PRANCING?
Not My Kind of Dog

What kind of dog prances?

VOTE
Just Vote

~ Mildred

HUH?
Fuzzy Math

Cats count? [See second item: "Counting masks and pets."]

Says who?

~ Mildred

MORE BULLDOGS AGREE
Kerry Takes YDN Endorsement

Another group of bulldogs is backing Sen. John F. Kerry!

The editors of the Yale Daily News on Friday published an endorsement of the school's 1966 graduate:

[W]e strongly endorse John Kerry because we believe he has the ability to do what Bush has not: ask questions, build coalitions and consider different perspectives. Much has been made of the fact that whoever wins next Tuesday, a Yalie will occupy the Oval Office. Yet we see stark differences in how Bush and Kerry live up to the ideals of their alma mater. Yale prides itself on rewarding intellectual curiosity and fostering open debate. And though the White House is not a seminar room, we value a president's willingness to think critically about his beliefs and subject his proposals to scrutiny.

In Bush, we see a president who has been constrained by stubbornly refusing to admit his mistakes or entertain alternative ideas. But in these uncertain times, we need a president with the ability to be both strong and open-minded -- a president like John Kerry.

~ Mildred

THE BULLDOG STANDARD
Presidential Appearance & Temperament

The American Kennel Club establishes, maintains, and publishes the breed standards by which all canines are judged in A.K.C. and A.K.C.-sponsored or affiliated shows and events.

Although I've never been in a dog show, I'm familiar with the bulldog standard. The A.K.C.'s promulgation primarily addresses physical attributes that translate poorly during anthromorphization, having little relevance to humans, let alone presidential candidates. This makes sense when you think about it. I mean, you wouldn't want a president who looks like me, would you? (Oh, wait, there was Winston Churchill some time ago. He was cool.) Two sections of the standard, however, are relevant: general appearance and temperament.

General Appearance: The general appearance and attitude should suggest great stability, vigor, and strength.

Temperament: The disposition should be equable and kind, resolute and courageous (not vicious or aggressive), and demeanor should be pacific and dignified. These attributes should be countenanced by the expression and behavior.

I'll bet it's obvious to you now that my endorsement in the upcoming presidential election was based on my inbred inclination to judge the candidates using the same criteria I evaluate the bulldog boys in my neighborhood: It's clearly Sen. John F. Kerry over that nasty little lap dog with the Oedipal complex. (And it's plainly Sen. John Edwards over that snarling cur with the drooly lower lip.)

I know a real bulldog when I see one.

~ Mildred

ATTACK DOGS?
I Can't Relate

It's getting ugly out there:

At 1199, a 250,000-member union local that is part of the Service Employees International Union, [get out the vote] volunteers have been officially given the title "heroes," and with good reason. Some have been attacked by dogs while canvassing, and in Florida, a few collapsed from dehydration from all the door-knocking in July and August.

There are dogs that attack? Excuse me if I can't relate. I don't even get out of bed when the doorbell rings.

In the same article there's this:

A stray bullet hit one 1199 member in the shoulder while he was registering voters in Philadelphia.

That news hits a little close to home. My home.

~ Mildred

A.K.C. POLL PICKS KERRY'S GERMAN SHEPHERD
Bush Terrier to the Dog House

In the American Kennel Club's Presidential Dog Poll, Sen. John F. Kerry's German shepherd, Cym, easily topped the White House dog, a Scottish terrier named Barney. The Bay City (Mich.) Times reports:

In the poll, 51 percent said they preferred a German shepherd serve as First Dog, compared to 27 percent who preferred a Scottish terrier.

The rest of the poll's findings were pretty strange. I'll just drop them. My attention span is pretty short anyway.

~ Mildred

KERRY LEADS IN CRITICAL POLL
The Big Dogs

The dogs are coming through for Kerry-Edwards in a big way. Unconfirmed Sources reports:

Unconfirmed sources report that the Gallup polling organization will release its latest nation wide poll of pets. The poll shows that among DLVs (Dogs Likely to Vote) John Kerry leads George W. Bush 60% to 24%, with 16% undecided. This poll is sure to be controversial because Gallup has refused to release its methodology. The Bush campaign is already calling the poll "nonsense" and "a load of bull pucky."

Great photo over there, by the way.

~ Mildred

"STARVING DOGS"
Only in This Context, Please

I hate hearing about "starving dogs," but I'll make an exception in this case.

The Washington Post reports from Nevada:

He was an hour late. So when President Bill Clinton took the stage this afternoon at the Clark County Government Center amphitheater, the crowd acted like starving dogs presented with thick, juicy steak.

Works for me.

~ Mildred

WHEN A CITY FAILS
Philadelphia and My Lost Brethren

I was told of two articles of interest in today's Philadelphia Daily News:

"Death Stories From PACCA's House of Horrors"

And:

"More Inhumane Treatment of Animals"

Both were written by my new hero: Stu Bykofsky.

I haven't read them. I won't read them. Because I can't read them. But you should.

~ Mildred

MAMA STALLONE'S DOGS DON'T KNOW SQUAT
Perpretrating a Fraud on Humanity

From Mike Harden of the Columbus Dispatch ("Psychics Say They’re Feeling the Energy of Election Day") I learned Mama Stallone's dogs have predicted a Republican victory on November 2:

Jacqueline Stallone says the psychic dogs she keeps have predicted that George W. Bush will win the election next Tuesday by 15 percentage points.

Trust me, there's no such thing as a psychic dog. Mrs. Stallone is perpretrating a fraud on humanity. Apparently it's a family trait.

~ Mildred

TWO YALIES
Only One Bulldog

Yes, I agree, or at least think, it's weird, but I'm not entirely displeased.

The presidential election this year pits one Yalie against another.

Normally this fact would be of no interest to me. I care little about the so-called Ivy League. It's merely an athletic conference, after all, one to which my attention gravitates only because my uncle, Uncle Chris, is a Harvard man, and because the University of Pennsylvania is just down the road. Princeton isn't far from Philadelphia either.

But as you may know, the mascot at Yale University is a bulldog.

So now I'm interested.

I need to select one bulldog or the other.

Easy choice. Not even close.

~ Mildred